I didnt really want that journal to be on my page anymore, so here's a new one!

But I dunno what to talk about. Hmm...

Well, for once, I cut my hair. Well, my mum cut my hair. I'm quite pleased with how it came out, but my friend Derke says I look like an emo boy. He doesn't like me looking like a boy. XD For those of you that do not have me on Facebook or are not in the Ikkou, pictures can be found here: [link] .

Though I don't think there's anyone who watches me on dA that isn't in either of those places, is there? o.o

Alssoooo... I have a cold. T_T I can't breathe through my nose. It kinda sucks. But at least the aches went away fairly fast. Usually my colds are JUST aches and I needa take like 12 ibuprofen a day to stay sane. I'm not sure which I prefer. I think I like breathing. I feel silly covering my mouth while I eat 'cause I can't breathe through my nose. T_T

Also... It's snowing. There have already been like seven plows driving up my street, and it can't have been snowing more than a couple hours. ^^ Outside will be so sparkley in the morning!

I think I am going to join the ranks of the failures of society. The college drop-outs who end up working minimum wage jobs until the day they just flicker out of existence. As of now, I pretty much have no hope of passing more than one of my classes.

As much as I loved college, I don't think I have the self motivation anymore to keep going. If I even manage to make it back for round two of this year. It hurts to say, but... I will probably not return to Lasell. Next semester or next year or ever.

You can feel free to call me a failure now.

As soon as I get my grades back, which I believe is scheduled for a few days before Christmas, I'll start looking for a full-time job. Find something I can distract myself with. Something to make myself feel like I'm accomplishing something, instead of working at Burger King for the rest of my life like some people I know. Even without graduating college, I refuse to end up like that.

I don't really need college to work my way up to my dream career, right? Graphic Design is art. I can teach myself what I need to know. I can start slow, and steadily make my way up until perhaps I've got enough recommendations to earn my a job at some graphic design firm somewhere.

I am an utter failure when it comes to school. I never should have tried and wasted my money. Now I'll have loans to pay back that will haunt me for years to come.

I don't know if anyone will forgive me. My parents will always look at me as a failure. A disappointment. The smart kid who just wouldn't try.

I can't even predict how JDee will react... I'm terrified to know. I promised her I would try harder. How can I try at something that I've already lost? She was already so disappointed in me last night. I don't want to hurt her anymore because of my own failures. It hasn't even been two weeks and I'm already an utter failure of a girlfriend. All I seem to be able to pull off is being cute. But that means nothing when you can't DO anything worth anything. And how cute is a girl who dropped out of college because she had no motivation to do the work? I'm supposed to do well for her. To graduate college and get a good job and... Take care of her. How am I supposed to do that if I can't even take care of myself? She's doing so much just to come see me, and I've done absolutely nothing to help.

Maybe dropping out and getting that job, I can help pay for her visit. If she even wants to see me now.

Okay, now I'm getting way too worked up over this... I guess... I'm sorry to anyone who is disappointed in me. I tried, but it was too late.

Fuck. I hate his feeling. Add to that the fact that I'm getting sick 'cause of all this stress... Maybe college really is a bad idea. I think I'll start job hunting tomorrow.

ANSWER THESE QUESTION BITCHES *points*

1. Who are you?

2. Are we friends?

3. When and how did we meet?

4. How have I affected you?

5. What do you think of me?

6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?

7. How long do you think we will be friends?

8. Do you love me?

9. Do you have a crush on me?

10. Would you kiss me?

11. Would you hug me?

12. Physically, what stands out?

13. Emotionally, what stands out?

14. Do you wish I was cooler?

15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?

16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

17. Am I lovable?

18. How long have you known me?

19. Describe me in one word.

20. What was your first impression?

21. Do you still think that way about me now?

22. What do you think my weakness is?

23. Do you think I'll get married?

24. What makes me happy?

25. What makes me sad?

26. What reminds you of me?

27. If you could give me anything what would it be?

28. How well do you know me?

29. When's the last time you saw me?

30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

31. Do you think I could kill someone?

32. Are you going to put this on your deviant journal and see what I say about you?

Long distance relationships FTL

Adorable pervy redheads FTW

I was tagged by



1. Post these rules.
2. Each tagged person must post 10 things about themselves on their journal.
3. At the end, you have to choose and tag people and post their icons on the same journal.
4. Go to their pages and send a message saying you tagged them.
5. No tag-backs.


Ten things about me

1. I'm easily obsessed with stuff
2. Purple is my favoritest color of all time ever
3. I only have my purple hoodie for a coat right now, everything else is home. I feel like a wicked scrub. D:
4. I have a curtain around my bed. I call it my "Sexy Tiems" curtain, even though I don't have anyone to have sexy times with.
5. I hate mess, it stresses me out.
6. Unfortunately, I'm too lazy to clean.
7. I typically hate middle sized dogs. I only like big ones and little ones. No middle ground.
8. I used to have a recurring dream where I'd be in an all white room, hiding in a crack in the wall, trying to not get hit by these white balls floating around. I'd try to stop one with my thumb and get crushed.
9. I'm trying to teach myself Korean and failing.
10. Okay, I guess I'll give you one embarrassing fact. I still suck my thumb most nights.


TEN things you wish you could say to TEN different people right now:

10. I kinda sorta love you.
9. You bite harder than you think you do.
8. Twilight sucks. Get over it.
7. If you ever fucking do that again I will never forgive you.
6. HEHY.
5. Stop just showing up in my room. It stresses me out, pisses me off, and I don't like you as much as I used to because of it.
4. You being depressed makes me sad, I luff you, be happy
3. You're creepy. PS.
2. Please don't die. You made it too far to get lazy and let yourself die.
1. I just lost the game.

EIGHT ways to win your heart:

8. Pugs
7. Sour Gummy Worms
6. Have an accent
5. Cuddle
4. Speak in another language
3. Play with my hair/let me play with yours
2. watch scary movies with me
1. romanticism


SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot:

1. A certain kiwi with red hair
2. RP-Ikkou
3. music
4. The STD Chat
5. Perviness
6. my roommates
7. homework that I never end up doing

FIVE people who mean a lot at the moment:

1. Kiwi
2. Corrie
3. Mina
4. Chrissy
5. Kati

FIVE songs that you listen to often lately:

1. Volatire - Stuck With You
2. Saiyuki Musical (I'll just count the whole thing)
3. Ludo - Love Me Dead
4. MC Mong - Indian Boy
5. Skunk Anansie - Secretly

And I guess I tag... , , and of course